about / poems / other work / contact
Ever since I learned that hurricanes have eyes from an episode of The Simpsons, I spend more time than I’d like to admit thinking I am in the eye of various things. “We’re in the eye of the storm now” I say, in multiple situations, for my own benefit only. I keep variations to myself, often and excitedly. “I’m in the eye of the service station now” I say softly, while enjoying a cherry cola and overpriced fries, halfway through a long trip with your whole life in the boot and back seats of a reasonably priced automatic Vauxhall, except for the parts of your life that are on my lap as we drive. “I’m in the eye of this presentation about how to use attendance monitoring software which will almost certainly have a total overhaul of the user interface within two months, rendering basically all of this information outdated” I write in the white space of poorly typeset handouts, between bad clipart and haikus about an old friend who died before I got to introduce him as such, before I could take a trip and by kind coincidence bump into him at a service station, a warm surprise after a long drive, the imprint of a toaster still slightly visible on my inner calf after I tried to nestle it under the seat and got it stuck. “We’re in the eye of ‘I, Robot’ now” I would have said at minute 52 of its runtime, if I had ever sat down to watch I, Robot intentionally instead of catching snippets of it here and there, accidentally, enough times that I feel like I understand the plot exactly as much as I would if I had watched it once on purpose. I have a theory that you can fall in love with a stranger in the same way you can know most details of what a movie is about even if you’ve never tried to consume it. “We’re in the eye of our love story right now” I might think to a cashier at the Little Waitrose, in the service station, or to the only other customer in the store when I recognise the discomfort in their eyes as they see the prices and know there is absolutely nowhere else to stop, or imagine directing to someone who definitely isn’t going to come out of the toilets, but who I still look for. I’m in the eye of my entire life most of the time, moving just right so I stay central. At least, that’s how I like to imagine it. Just the two of us dancing, along with everyone else I’ve ever met, slightly anxious, trying to make it all a bit wider.
I love when poets say "What I'm saying is…" because it makes it easy to know what they're saying and I think of all the kids in classrooms who don't like interpreting poetry having a much better time. What I'm saying is the only thing stopping me from making a bracelet out of those letter beads that says "I know it might seem like I don't care about things as much because I've stopped saying I'll do something "even if it kills me" I just don't want to die anymore." is that my arms aren't long enough. I'm thinking of being a kid and the people who let me have a better time. I'm wanting to make it easy. I'm thinking of the fact that the only thing stopping me from making a bracelet listing all the different types of love is that there aren't enough beads. What I'm saying is I'm so glad you asked me to sign your deed poll. I'm so glad you have your name.
i've got deals that'll make you think "shit, that's a recklessly discounted kinda love! that 'everything must go' kinda adoration!" and you'd be right! one day this store's gonna close, and i've no need for dead stock! you win 'cause it's a bargain and i win too 'cause i get to love you! i literally don't need to keep hold of all this! everything must go and yet i cannot run out! we're running this sale all november baby, and if you like that just you wait for our end of year sales month, new year sales month, valentines sales month, st patricks sales month, april fools sales month (in which i am slightly sillier in the way i love you but the love never feels foolish), may day month, whatever it is that happens in june gets a month of sales too, which takes us to three months of summer sales before halloween hits! motherfucker, i will run this store out of business! it's going under whether i do or not! please rush the tills when you're ready, there's no need to queue.