casey garfield

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tweets

i don't like twitter. i know i should probably try to be on twitter anway because it's where the literary scene runs from, but it makes me miserable, so i got rid of it and i feel way better as a direct result.

to replace it, i made this page to put the silly little thoughts i would otherwise tweet (when i remember). it's done wonders for my mental health tbh

here are my tweets:

• thought I could read german for a second but it turns out I was just reading english and hearing it in a german accent in my head
• writing poems is basically just imagining a seinfeld episode. then most of the time, you take seinfeld out after. that's what editing is
• i thought there was some really beautiful birdsong happening in my garden but once i paused my powerviolence playlist it turns out i was just tapping my feet against patio furniture while wearing wet crocs
• my knuckle tattoos reading 'FUCK' and 'HATE' were well intentioned but poorly executed
• one guard only tells the truth. the other is trying to sell you vpn and wireless earbuds. and honestly, you could probably run past them both
• god may have made a few bad calls, but if that hot bitch is in charge of making cactus fruit red bull, i could learn to forgive and forget
• true crime podcast for the moderate social faux pas i made at the open mic
• i'm like the white eminem
• i love when people are described as something like "an influential feminist thinker" because then i get to think of myself as a less influential feminist thinker. i fucking love thinking about women
• rejected magazine feature: Snail Mail Wordle, where everyone writes in their guesses on a postcard, one gets chosen and used as the guess in next month's issue and it takes half a year to get through the 6 guesses. the word was THROB
• plant based protein has never been bigger. but nobody says cool beans anymore. are the beans not cooler than ever? much to consider.
• gosh, last night really was beautiful. great moon, great wind, and SO many stars! i love being a cow. and oh look, these farm boys want to read the newspaper with me!
• I know the way I get out of cars is weird, i just don't know how to do it normal. i don't know to manage my center of gravity throughout the whole ordeal
• millenial dickens: it was the harlem shake of times, it was the mannequin challenge of times. even I don't like this one
• just found out the sentence "i'm like the white eminem" was not an original thought i had and was in fact me vaugely remembering a post from the r/conservativerap subreddit. heartbroken. notesapp plagiarism apology to follow
• to cottagecore, the lady on the raisin box is an influencer
• abandoned chapbook idea: 'youtube videos i watched after therapy' where every poem is titled after a youtube video i watched after therapy. EPIC Pike Fishing with the Savage Gear 3D Rat Lure! (crazy hits!) was pretty alright, project ultimately replaced with a performance piece where i look after myself without trying to turn it into content for it to be worthwhile
• can't believe there's a bit in the willy wonka movie where he makes fun of an oompa loompa's name. sir you are called penis off-kilter